Parenting Through Divorce

Getting a divorce means you will no longer be with the person you once thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. However, if there are children from that marriage then you will always be linked to each other. Many divorces are very bitter with hurt and angry feelings lasting for years. Yet you need to do your very best to move past all of that for the sake of the children. Effective communication between the parents is necessary in order for them to both have an active role in what is taking place in the lives of their children. School is a big issue for parents to be concerned with. Both need to be attending school functions and talking with teachers about the progress of the students. It is important for the children to see the parents getting along with each other at least when it comes to their needs. A child should never have to hear one parent talking bad about the other one. It can lead to feelings of insecurity as well as resentment. Children should never have to choose between their love for one parent over the other either. Too many divorces couples use their children as a way to communicate with their ex spouse. They place the burden of sending messages back and forth on the children. This isn’t acceptable and it isn’t fair to the children. Instead you need to work out being able to talk with your ex spouse about issues that concern the children. If it is too difficult or tense for you to talk face to face then do so over the phone. Make an agreement to stick only to the issues that are going on with the children. Try to be objective rather than always attempting to get your own way. Compromise is very important when you are divorced and dealing with issues that concern your children together. Some couples find that notes are easier for them than talking in person or over the phone. Again though you need to take your children out of the equation. Don’t make them responsible for passing the notes back and forth. With written communication a person can think before they respond and that can help prevent emotions from dictating the conversations you are attempting to have about your children. It won’t always be easy to maintain good communication with your ex spouse. In fact, that is one of the most common reasons why people end up filing for a divorce in the first place. Yet you do want to make a sincere effort to try. The future of your children is too important for you not to attempt to make this work for you. Sometimes it can help if you attend a class with your ex spouse. It can help you to understand the importance of good communication after the divorce. You can also learn effective techniques to use so you don’t slip into your old behaviors. It can take some time to make this work but don’t give up on it. Your children will certainly appreciate all of your efforts to be decent to their other parent. It is a very important lesson that you can teach them by example. Showing them that you still respect their other parent and include them in important decisions shows that you really care about their well being.

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